Thursday, July 28, 2011


Several times recently as I have been working through one situation or another I have found a common thread. The common thread always comes back to the intention I have when I am pursuing an activity. In the past couple months, every situation that has led to discomfort, bad feelings, and challenges for me personally can be traced back to not having the proper intention when making choices. Some of my choices have come from a desire for me children to do something I want to do or want them to do and others have come from feeling pressure to do culturally "normal" things.

For sure, these are pretty normal things to do and I am not beating myself up about my choices or the consequences I get to face because of them. On reflection, though, I feel that a huge part of my job as a parent, especially of my oldest daughter, is to help her make choices in keeping with her heart. And, for this reason, I feel lucky to have taken a long look at my choices and how they are actually not in keeping with my role as the person who helps her learn to listen to herself.

Friday, July 15, 2011

H= Heart's Desire

In the last month or so, I have noticed my little family has been coming upon challenges that are interpersonal in nature. Things that take a quiet mind, a kind heart, and a thorough examination before acting. This is not something at which I excel. My first instinct is to run or fight when in these situations, this is the skill set hard wired in to my biology and the same one promoted by my family of origin. Fortunately, I have honed a certain degree of skill in sitting and waiting. Waiting for an opportunity, waiting for an instinct, waiting for myself to settle, and more waiting. I know that the pattern I have had in the past of zooming in to fix, destroy, or otherwise just make myself more comfortable with a situation leaves an absolute path of burnt nothing, hurt feelings, regrets, and nothing I want to carry with me as I go forward.

It occurred to me this morning, that it is my utmost heart's desire to change these patterns. The ones my biology and my family superimposed upon my young self. It is my heart's desire to have something entirely different, something my soul can feel good about, and something my children can learn from. It is a deep yearning I carry within me to do what is kind, to evolve, move forward, and carry myself with more love tomorrow than I did today. So, though these varying situations had me a bit overwhelmed a day or so ago, I now see that I am being handed the loveliest of opportunities.

Whenever you reach the edge of your ability in anything, there is the opportunity to grow. The opportunity to push past what was once a barrier and to find a whole new person capable of more on the other side. So, though what I am looking at requires grace and tact, careful choices and the willingness not to run away and though these are all skills I have struggled with at some point in time, I feel capable and willing to wait and watch and act when appropriate and hopefully find myself on the other side.