Friday, July 15, 2011

H= Heart's Desire

In the last month or so, I have noticed my little family has been coming upon challenges that are interpersonal in nature. Things that take a quiet mind, a kind heart, and a thorough examination before acting. This is not something at which I excel. My first instinct is to run or fight when in these situations, this is the skill set hard wired in to my biology and the same one promoted by my family of origin. Fortunately, I have honed a certain degree of skill in sitting and waiting. Waiting for an opportunity, waiting for an instinct, waiting for myself to settle, and more waiting. I know that the pattern I have had in the past of zooming in to fix, destroy, or otherwise just make myself more comfortable with a situation leaves an absolute path of burnt nothing, hurt feelings, regrets, and nothing I want to carry with me as I go forward.

It occurred to me this morning, that it is my utmost heart's desire to change these patterns. The ones my biology and my family superimposed upon my young self. It is my heart's desire to have something entirely different, something my soul can feel good about, and something my children can learn from. It is a deep yearning I carry within me to do what is kind, to evolve, move forward, and carry myself with more love tomorrow than I did today. So, though these varying situations had me a bit overwhelmed a day or so ago, I now see that I am being handed the loveliest of opportunities.

Whenever you reach the edge of your ability in anything, there is the opportunity to grow. The opportunity to push past what was once a barrier and to find a whole new person capable of more on the other side. So, though what I am looking at requires grace and tact, careful choices and the willingness not to run away and though these are all skills I have struggled with at some point in time, I feel capable and willing to wait and watch and act when appropriate and hopefully find myself on the other side.

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