This is the Place...

I have lived in Utah all of my life. I think it was a good place for me as a kid. Growing up with a single mother with an undiagnosed mental illness would have been really tough in a bigger place. The little town I grew up in was a good village in the sense that people did watch out for me. There were many drawbacks, of course, but I shudder to think what my life would have been like if I had been in the same circumstances in say the Bronx.

In my early adult life, I hated this place. I think it was mostly rebellion, it is very conservative. Once I freed my self from the LDS church, the animosity was greatly reduced.

I feel myself creeping back towards not liking it here. It is hard to be a quirky, non conservative family in Utah. Having a 7 year old whose interests include anime, Tim Burton, and gothic clothing and make-up does not go over too well here. I was thinking this morning, however, that I do not know if it would go over well anywhere.

Ari is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. Her interests from the time she was small were out of the ordinary. When she was 2 she told me she wanted to "be evil when she grew up" and she has always had an affinity for villains. She has always had an interest in the dark side of life, the one most people totally avoid. She has always been wise well beyond her years, articulate, like parenting your grandma.

Mina is a really different kind of kid too. She has more energy than anyone I have ever met. I say that as a person who is hyperactive myself. She has a magnetic like field around her, people love her, they are drawn to her. Our friend Kyan is like that too, you meet him and you love him. I really have not seen that quality in many other kids. I like kids but this goes beyond just liking them. You want to be near them.

This morning I am trying to make peace with this place we live. Right now it is our home. I yearn sometimes for more kids for Ari to play with, but I have no proof that theses kids would materialize in a bigger or less conservative place. I also know that technology can get us some of the way there, using Skype and the like she could interact with kids who share her passions no matter where they are. I am making some plans to take her to some anime festivals this year, spending time visiting comic book and gaming stores, and researching anime we can check out from the library.

I know that in our family, we are all rather reclusive, except maybe Mina and we don't need other people a lot. But I also know what it is like to have a conversation with someone who totally gets you and who can share other views, someone you totally trust but who is not so immersed in your family's dynamic that they can't see clearly. My friend Julie does that for me all the time. I guess I long for that connection for Ari but I wonder if I am not seeing it in what she already has too.

Love it

Call me crazy (you would not be the first) but I love it when Mina gets up every morning and asks, "Where is Daddy?" I love that she wants to see him, that she misses him, and that she knows almost instantly that he is not in the house. I love that she can ask me where her daddy is and I feel the same, that I miss him and want him here with us. I am a lucky woman, she is a lucky girl and we are the luckiest family ever.

Lost in time

We spent the day playing Roblox. I typed for Ari and we talked about the sounds of the letters as we conversed with the other players. I am realizing this really is how she is learning to read and embracing it, finally getting in to the seat next to her and using the time we spend at the computer fully.

Mina has been painting almost since she got out of bed. First with tempera and then on to watercolors. With brief stints of wrestling and jumping up and down and pretending to be a ballerina.

We watched Princess Tutu and discussed plot lines and characters. Then we went to the swimming pool and pretended we were Ponyo's family from the movie Ponyo. It seems we are quite the Japanese animation fans.

I am looking back at the day and realizing that I like when the days look like this much more than when I am so driven to get things done. I have been trying to get out of bed before the girls and do laundry, clean, and workout. It can be really hard to beat them out of bed, especially with us all going to bed so late. But the effort seems to be well worth it to have easy, flowing days like these.

Who we are...

You are an intelligent human being. Your life is valuable for its own sake. You are not second-class in the universe, deriving meaning and purpose from some other mind. You are not inherently evil—you are inherently human, possessing the positive rational potential to help make this a world of morality, peace and joy. Trust yourself.

–Dan Barker, from his book, Losing Faith in Faith

Blog

Ari decided she wanted to blog. Her first post is up, enjoy.

Spoon me

John came home last night with some new wooden spoons that we needed really bad. Mina picked one up and said, "These spoons are fantastic." And they really are. If you are in need of wooden spoons I highly recommend these.

Aspirations

Ari: "Mom, some day I want to be so famous that some one asks me to sign their tongue."

What exactly is a mother to say to that?