Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wide open space

I am not sure what has changed whether it be my heart or maybe my mind. I cannot be certain it happened over time or just catalyzed in one major event. Somehow, for some reason, a huge part of me gets unschooling in a way that I did not before. I know that these huge changes have come about partially because of joyless, loveless, and unwanted decisions made by other people over the course of the last 6 months. Decisions that somehow set me free in a way I could have never planned or believed until I am now seeing it for myself.

I am noticing thoughts that were not there before, thoughts I have no control over. Things like, "Wow, look at that beautiful mess." and "I think I want to clean up the girls' room because they might need the space to play in." Surprising notions like, "Look at how they just used those straws and all the pantry supplies. I am so lucky to have such creative kids." And, the craziest thing about it is I am not controlling my tone. Not forcing myself to be positive about finding 500 straws on the floor. Not looking at the bright side when I realize that I can't find the livingroom floor for the Little People's that are playing with gourds and Polly Pockets and My Little Pony's. It is not fake it till you make it. The philosophy is starting to sink in. The idea that life is mess and work on joy and love and creativity is starting to take root on some fundamental cellular level.

Today, I am grateful for the folks who unknowingly set me free. Who pushed the last button and tried to pull the last string. You may never understand the gift you have given me.

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